How I Want to Live My Life

Why am I writing this

I have a burning desire to do more. To be better.
I think I have always had it, but it was silenced over the years. Now it’s roaring back.

No matter how many times I lose, I know I am going to win.

How my life has been up to now

When I was young, I got used to being good at everything.

I was talented and lacked ambition, so I didn’t put in the effort.

When I went to uni I expected it to be hard. It wasn’t.

At that point in my life I couldn’t care about anything.
I was unhappy.

Then I fell in love. I failed hard.
It made me happy.

Failure was a hard concept to grasp. Now I pursue it deliberately through physical effort.

I have not had a clear path forward. I tumbled from one thing to another until my current job.
I dedicated a year to it, every day, all day. I am proud of the work done.

But now that I know what I want, I am trapped by its success. I can either wait, or pursue my path and walk away from the reward.

Physical Effort

I used to think that achieving without effort made me better.

I was wrong. I have fallen in love with pain.
I now push myself for the effort itself.

Coding

I came to hate coding.

There has been a breakthrough since. AI.

Coding this site has been so much fun. Building fire is a joy.

Happiness

Happiness is a pursuit that dies on its existence.

I have only found it through commitment.

How I will do it

The only thing that matters is winning.
We can add artificial constraints, but those are only visible to oneself.

A goal has to be bold enough to seem unbelievable to most people yet still reachable in your own mind.

This past year I started setting goals. So far I have mostly failed.
But I will not stop.

Most people live their lives without ever winning.

I started tracking my workouts

Dream state

If you don’t choose a direction, you will end up living under someone else’s dreams.

For most of my life, I’ve been guided by what I didn’t want to do.
That’s inefficient. There are an infinite number of options to reject, but only one to choose.

My lifetime goals are:

It is hard to choose a path that combines both, and I am uncertain how or with which to start.

These goals are not unconditional, they are constrained by fairness.
I want to give back to those who deserve it.

I want to keep the fire burning.

Most days feel like I do something I don’t want, after doing something I didn’t want.

Many people optimize for comfort in the present.
I have my sight set at eternity.

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